Mummy passed away in April of 1984, just 3 days before Ramnavani – her tithi birthday – she would have been 68. We were all a bit concerned about how papa would manage her absence. They were friends, companions, spouse, peers, and there was nary an aspect of life they did not share, love, respect, attachment, interests you name it, they shared with an intensity that we could not imagine that either would do anything without the other. But papa happily surprised us all. He was rock steady, and carried on with life. Mummy’s health had been a bit off ever since her diagnosis of malignant breast cancer, her full recovery and two treks after recovery not withstanding. But mummy was an intensely pragmatic person, and both recognised that her time could well be up. I would not be surprised at all if the two of them had discussed how each would carry on without the other. The fact that both had a strong onward looking mind-set must have helped. Mummy had one incomplete desire – although she never ever mentioned it – to go to Gaumukh. We fulfilled that by immersing her asthi at Gaumukh that summer. I will write about that trek in the Himalay trips pages.
I had a habit of reaching our home entrance and simply calling out to her, even if I knew that she was not home. I continued doing that for almost 2 years after her passing. It was natural that I missed her, but Dhananjay felt her loss intensely. When I was at the IIT hostel, Dhananjay would spend long hours with papa mummy – a meeting of minds and emotions. Dhananjay experienced a different relationship with parents, and he was like a second son to them.
Even writing about her chokes me up, 39 years on, that’s how powerful a mom she was.
Janaki did get 3 years of grandmother’s envelope of love and affection, even though Janaki had to be shared with papa! Vaidehi was born two years after mummy, so papa had her all to himself, and spoilt her as only a grand parent can.
Anju did not let anyone miss mummy too much. She took on all the social roles that mummy had mentored her for: whether it was trekking preparation, or Janmastami or Dev Diwali joint seva with maasi and maami. Just as it used to be “Baka”, mummy’s siblings and spouses, sent their first calls to Anju for festivals, and celebrations. However, Anju could not be in aunt or sister-in-law roles, and that is when all would recall mummy. Pappa’s trekking and nature group friends always made a point of acknowledging mummy’s contributions that enabled us to go trekking and romping around mountains and jungles. They would tell mummy, “Suluben, you are the one who takes Sumantbhai to Himalay!”, and while mummy agreed silently, papa would confirm that loudly. After mummy, Anju fulfilled that role so effectively, that we continued trekking to Gaumukh, Darjeeling, Spiti Valley, Chaukori, Kumaon, Panchmadhi etc.
The four of us had our days set already, and while Anju’s days did expand, our jobs and schools, and chores of our day to day life remained unchanged.
By and large, pappa’s day also remained unchanged.
Pappa’s activities after retirement were dominated by reading text books to blind students. Indumami had suggested it, and introduced him to the Victoria school for the blind. It started with papa recording the textbooks on audio cassettes, and then reading to whoever needed it. He was totally “in” to this activity. School students or undergrads or even post grads would come to our house and he would read to them. Sometimes mummy and even Anju filled in. Post grad students lived in the Bombay University hostel at Churchgate. On returning from his morning walk to Hanging Gardens and back, he would make tea again, have a sip or two, pour the rest into a thermos flask, get ready, and off to Churchgate univ. hostel to read to a post grad student in law or psychology or some such! The tea was to moisten his mouth after speaking for long time, and he would not let the student order it from the hostel canteen. Back by around 11 or so. A student may turn up in the afternoon for a session, and he would read to him or her. After Janaki arrived, he would pack up all baby stuff including her pram, and off he went in bus # 102 to Hanging Gardens with Janaki. Home, dinner and early to bed for both of them.
Mummy’s day began early – with pappa’s tea – load the pressure cooker and get it going, and off to her circuit of a set of temples that was rather standard for Gujarati Pushtimarg ladies. Back by 9, finish cooking – before Anju joined the family – and then whatever chores she felt like. That routine changed a bit after Anju arrived. But pappa’s routine continued as is.
He resumed his activities a few days after mummy left us. One major change was that he would spend the winter months at Latuben’s place in Ahmedabad. He would borrow some one’s bicycle, and peddle to the shores of the Vastrapur lake. It was a huge lake then (not the puddle that is called a lake now), and he would watch birds till the sun became hot. Invariably he met at least one other person - also a bird watcher who soon would become friends. Now of course that lake does not exist. Soon after an Axardham event on its banks, the lake was filled up, and a large number of homes built on that land. During his Ahmedabad sojourn he introduced nature and bird watching to a number of people, who always stayed in touch with him. But more about that in the “relationships” pages.
2 years after mummy, Vaidehi was born, and pappa became a fully dedicated grandfather. Now he would cart of both the girls to Hanging Gardens teaching them names of flowers and trees. The #102 bus stop was a bit far from our house, where as #132 stop right outside our house. That bus took them to Kemp’s Corner, and pappa would walk up to Hanging Gardens, via the premises of the Parsi Tower of Silence. Normally only Parsi’s are allowed in (typically for a funeral), but pappa with the pram and a child in it, was welcome to avoid the traffic, till the next gate almost three quarters of the way up! He had no inhibitions when it came to his grandchildren! Vaidehi was a poor eater, so pappa would take a tiny silver bowl (normally used in our rituals to serve sugar at the alter) and use the edge to cut little rondels of rotali put the veggies on it, and make Vaidehi eat her lunch! Mummy would never have tolerated this, but then she was gone!
Mummy had taken over the daily worship at our home alter (called “seva”) after my aunt passed away, and now pappa took over that job after mummy passed away. Our lives carried on after her!
પહેલું પાનું The Beginning